Please translate to spanish my autobiography due tomorrow or i fail please help!!!?

my name is jordan. i like to dance. i like to sing. my house is yellow. my cat is black. me and my friends go to the library. after school we hang out. i like to go to the skate park. i live in florida. i live in cocoa beach. my mom like men. my dad likes women. some of my major hobbies include surfing and skating. when i skate i go to the skatepark. when i surf i go to the beach. i am very good at surfing. i am better than my friend at surfing. my room is very big. i am short. my hair is brown. my friends include nick and calvin. they all surf too. joey is good at skating. calvin is good at surfing. when me and joey go to the library we play. we make lots of noise and it is funny. ahahahah. ms stein is my favorite spanish teacher ever. she makes me and my cl laugh so much. she is sick and she needs to get better. my laptop is fun. i play video games on it. i have a ps3. my sisters name is tiara. she is funny looking. she has black hair. In my house there is lots of food. My desk is full of papers. Nick hoff is a funny kid. My car is white. My favorite foods are watermelon g and apple. I like to drink steaz tea. My friend calvin likes to go without a shirt. He is a little bit retarded. Quesadillas are another one of my favorite foods. My grandpa is a G. he drives a white Honda. His name is Jorge gratropilis. My friend joey like boys. He thinks I like boys too. But I don’t cuz I am straight. Hahahaha. My skateboard is white and black. I ride it to school a lot. I go to parties a lot. My favorite music is rock and jack Johnson. 48. joey who is my friend enjoys hanging out with me a lot. When me and joey hang out we jump on trampolines. We go to the beach to. When we surf we compete against eachother. my friend calvins dad drives a truck. My shoes is size 10. I like beach . Women are fun. I hate Spanish because I suck at it. I have an f in the cl and im hoping my grade will come up. My 1st cl is math. My second cl is career research. My 3rd cl is English. My 4th cl is band. My 5th class is Spanish. My 6th class is world history. My 7th class is science. My friend joey found a skate spot in this game called S.K.A.T.E. he is very good at that game. My friend calvin doesn’t like me because I am Mexican. Brian jones doesn’t like me because of that reason also. I like to listen to dane cook. He is a very funny comedian. 72. one time I tried to hand neuter my weiner dog. Playing xbox is fun to me. When I play xbox I have and iced coffee sitting next to me. I drink iced coffee because it gives me energy. I also eat steak because it gives me energy. All these drinks and food give me energy. Ms stein is gonna kill me if I don’t turn this in on time. She is my favorite Spanish teacher ever! I like her because she is c-c-c-craaazy!!!81. I wear a helmet when I skateboard. If I don’t wear a helmet I will fall and die! Someday I want to go to costa rica to surf. There are very good waves in costa rica.